This is the second in a series of articles on the “real life experiences” of an expatriate, dealing with local culture, traditions and the lifestyle of the expatriate

“And the reason for your visit?” It seems almost strange that the passport control officer should be question-ing your motives. You’re suddenly struggling to resolve the decision for your overseas odyssey, with more questions than answers rac-ing through your head.

Is it the same for every family member? Typically, leaving behind aging parents is as disruptive as leaving friends and putting relationships on hold for teenagers. Will you arrive culturally inquisitive, or will you be counting down the days until your home leave comes around, or worse still - until the life sentence is served: the clock is ticking. The truth is the odyssey for me and my family was enriching – whether we were venturing through Italy, Singapore, China or Sweden. Each location has its own unique culture and tradition which contributed to an unforgettable experience.

When we arrived in Modena, Italy we made friends with a German family with two teenage sons. The boys initially cursed their parents for wrenching them from their lives and especially away from girlfriends. That was until they were enrolled in an international boarding school in Rome, which was part of the employment contract. As they say - all roads lead to Rome - and the boys eventually had a great time.

In Italy, we lived amongst the locals, opting not to live in the village of Formigine that had attracted a number of expatriates from my company. We were fortunate to rent a unit within a recently renovated 17th century castle surrounded by a vineyard and orchards. In the evenings, over a glass of Dolcetto D’Alba, we exchanged tips on where to eat, visit and purchase terracotta pots with the other three tenants. It was also an exciting time for our children since two of the fathers worked for Ferrari and Lamborghini. Friday night at Vecchio Mu-lino’s pizzeria became the preferred hangout for friends to gather for a bite to eat. During those years I collected the business cards of the memorable Ristorante & Agrituristica’s that we frequented. It would not be amiss to say that we ate our way through Italy and the same could be said for China. In fact, food is what brought us closer to the local population in China, as was the case at the Vecchio Mulino.

However, living in China is different. The norm for expatriates in Shanghai is to live in large gated compounds with upwards of 200 homes. Self-contained, the lifestyle is similar to life on a military base. Children are bussed off to school, guards man the gate and dinner is served in the restaurant on those nights that one wants locally prepared food, as was the case in Green Valley. What worked for our family was to find a compound that resembled the United Nations with no one-nationality dominating. The harmony actually extended to include the guards, who were available to report on the whereabouts of our pet rabbit and in one case even push start my jeep. It was also possible to engage private trainers, art instructors and language tutors that would come to your home, the cost of which was embarrassingly inexpensive. As with Italy, experiencing the local cuisine draws one into the community and provides the opportunity to make new friends by inviting them to share a meal.

In our case it became protocol that each family member alternately selected his or her choice of restaurant. We also did this with weekend excursions; we each had a turn at selecting the destination. This technique of engaging the children helped to stimulate their interest in culture but more importantly in trying new experiences and broadening their tolerances.

Sweden holds fond memories for the family; it was here that our daughter was born, in a society mandated to secure children’s rights and safety. This carefree environment nurtured a strong sense of well-being in our two young children as they matured. Nature-related activities and awareness, for instance, are cultivated at a young age. Later, when we returned to Sweden for the final years of my expatriate career, the children were teenagers and again there was freedom and opportunity.

No matter where you find yourself, connecting with a social network is paramount to an enriching assignment for all members of the family. Typically, it’s highly uncommon for both partners to work when on an international assignment. So it becomes a priority for the one that maintains the household to locate a network, since making contact is one of the first steps to settling in – like joining international clubs, schools or Rotary Clubs.

For instance, memberships to national clubs are a prestigious perk in Singapore but expensive and therefore not in everyone’s contract. Members relied on the clubs to host traditional dinners like Thanksgiving and Christmas and a variety of other activities. Typically, the apartment complexes had their own pools, tennis courts and other amenities. Sports clubs for our family were the answer: the children received good instruction and exercise and routines were established.

Collecting - be it furniture, art, rugs or other brick-a-brack – is often popular among expatriates but can get out of hand. I can recall one family in Shanghai that began collecting Chinese refurbished antiques with the intention of selling them in their home country. Two containers later it was time to return home with what should have been fast moving inventory. In actual fact it took years to move the stock that was occupying the family home at break even prices. You can draw your own conclusions on this experience.

Finally, a few words about vacation destinations: consult the family for consensus. Not everyone is a beach bum nor are they seeking high adventure. Beach resorts are popular destinations especially over December and January in Southeast Asia. In fact if one doesn’t book well in advance flights are not usually available. It became customary for us to book a private guide and car with a customized itinerary while in China. We journeyed far into the North and in most cases were the only North Americans in sight. It was great. During these times the Lonely Planet was never far from hand. Use your network to recommend hotels and restaurants; personal recommendations are the best. Reflect on the reason for taking the assignment: was it business, pleasure or something you can’t experience at home?

What does it mean to be repatriated after 15 years aboard? In the next issue I’ll discuss the culture shock.